I saw him out of the corner of my eye.
He wasn't where I left him.
I walked over to see what was up and he said calmly "I need to go to the health room".

We started toward the elevator where he informed me "I will go to a restroom that is for boys or girls, I have a change of clothes in a drawer, you will help me with my pants".

One flight down on the elevator, and 56 steps to the health room I prayed "oh Lord help me do this".

Up to this moment my role was mostly academic.  I follow him through the halls and, though he hates it, I push him in class.  I take notes, make sure his homework is entered in to his planner and as of late, I draw a lot. Why is there so much drawing in Biology?  I think he finds great satisfaction in watching me suffer through drawing animals, trees, rocks and anything else that cannot be depicted with a stick figure.
He has repeatedly informed me that I need to take an art class.  Under my breath I repeatedly say "I never thought I'd be drawing for a living!!

As we entered the health room the barrier that kept the relationship academic was destroyed.  There we were, a girl gathering strength and a strong stomach and a boy humbly asking for help.

I turned my back as often as possible and spoke just three words.
Me or you?

Pants off: me or you?
Wipes: me or you?
Pants on: me or you?

Who is more impacted by this moment?
Me or you.

There is something about soiling yourself that is so humiliating.  Its like a big giant exclamation mark on the fact that you can't control your body's basic functions.
And when you can't help yourself to take care of the cleanup...the shame must run through every vein in your being.

We said nothing about the event.
We went back to class as if everything was completely normal.

An hour later he showed his great appreciation for my professionalism in the bathroom and giving him some extra grace with his homework in math by looking straight in my eyes with his deep browns and barked to me "DON'T COME IN THIS ELEVATOR WITH ME EVER AGAIN".

I took a deep breath and asked "how do you suppose I get down then?"
He didn't care.
He was mad at me for something or more likely taking out some other frustration on me.
"LEAVE ME ALONE" he bellowed.
Fine.

Until he needed to draw a deer in Biology and then he was quick to ask for help, and equally quick to mock my pathetic rendition of Bambi.

My text to Matt this afternoon:  "This kid is either going to crush me or give me a titanium armor".

The reality is he will do both.
My heart continually breaks, while my skin is getting thicker by the day.

Comments

Popular Posts