Apr 14, 2017

Fallen Ill

I have fallen ill.
I spent Sunday recovering from a traumatic pasta event from the day before and by Monday morning my stomach was happy again, but I was in full swing chest cold mode.
Not the way I wanted to spend Spring Break.
I have had more naps, cups of tea with honey, sleepless nights, and pure fogginess in the past 5 days than my entire life up to now.  I think, but then again I'm hopped up on meds and I don't know if my math skills are sharp.
It isn't a snotty nose, stuffed up cold, it is a my chest feels like its being sat on by an elephant cold.  At one point last night while I lay on the couch coughing violently I was sure I had lung cancer or black lung.  I sifted through 40 years of memories trying to recall if I had ever been exposed to coal dust or other carcinogens that might cause a sudden onset of broken lungs.
This morning I pulled myself out of bed or off the couch, I can't remember where I was, and rallied enough energy to take the Toyota in for its first check up.  Following that, I was feeling enough of a burst of energy that I went to the nail salon to repair the disaster that appeared on my 3 week old manicure.
Around 1pm, that is ONE O'CLOCK in the afternoon, I got a text from my oldest child asking where I was.  To which I replied "you just now realized I was missing?".  And he in turn replied with "I just figured you were still sleeping".
That is the kind of week it has been.  If I am not hacking and coughing on the couch, I'm passed out in bed, or at a baseball game.  This morning was the first time I wasn't doing any of the three.  Instead I was doing my best not to infect all those poor people at Toyota service center or the nail salon with this toxic lung thing I have going on.
On my way home from my adventures I stopped by my local grocery store to find some more drugs.  I decided that my issues are not getting better because I am using a generic form of Musinex instead of the real deal.  So today I bought all brand name, high potency drugs, and more tea, and I was looking for that vapor rub stuff that my mom used to put on my chest but I couldn't find it.  I think it is probably illegal now, because the truth is, the only reason why that stuff worked is because your chest flesh was smoldering and so you forgot that you couldn't breathe properly.  It is probably for the best that I couldn't find it because on the way home from the store I got in such a coughing fit that my nose started bleeding.  A sensitive nose mixed with that jar of menthal-magic is probably not a good combination.

PEOPLE, do you understand how bad it must be when you cough so hard your nose bleeds?

The family is taking great care of me, the boys are obviously "letting me sleep" and Matt is making sure I don't concoct some toxic mixture of theraflu and fake musinex.

Apr 6, 2017

Pretty Pretty Princess also known as P3 was officially downgraded a few years ago due to some traumatic parking lot incidents. Today she has fallen from grace.
P3 is now Bad Luck Chuck, or Chuck if you don't have time to say all those words.
Another parking accident. Someone slammed in to Chuck's front bumper, and drove away without so much as a note.
Chuck is a magnet for parking drama.
Is there some prize for the most accidents while at a dead stop?

Apr 5, 2017

Tonight Eli was reading the high school regulations for behavior at a school sponsored dance and Matt and I spent a solid 10 minutes entertaining ourselves as a result.

I suppose I should give some context to this.

Today at work I caught a kid with chew in his mouth in the classroom.  True story.  He walked in to class with a big wad of chew in his mouth and spit into the trashcan as I was walking by.  I could spend a few hours dissecting that part of the story but we'll save that for another day.
The kid took a nice walk of shame down to the dean's office and then came back to class a bit later, minus the mass of mouth cancer.  I was surprised to see him back.  So you can just chew tobacco on campus, in CLASS these days with no concern or consequence from the administration?

I was curious what the school policy was on the use of tobacco while writing an essay in school, so I asked Eli to look it up.  He didn't locate a specific rule about tobacco but he did find out that drive-by shootings, murder, and unauthorized use of laser pen-lights are prohibited.  He also found a section on the types of behavior that is prohibited at dances.

As Eli read each prohibited act Matt and I provided a demonstration.

Any inappropriate backside dancing (ankle/knee grabbing, bending over more than 90 degrees, etc.)
Inappropriate touching, fondling, excessive displays of affection.
Removal of shirts, pants or necessary articles of clothing
No on the floor dancing or lap dancing
No front to front dancing with legs up or legs intertwined 
No violent, “mosh pit” style dancing 

We couldn't properly demonstrate the front-to-front dancing with my legs up around his waist because he has a bad back right now and that would have probably laid him out.  We did have a wicked rendition of ankle grabbing while bending over 90 degrees - could also be called "tying my shoe to music".  I had no idea that was a thing until today.

As Matt and I were dancing fools in the kitchen we could hear Eli grumbling about how dumb we were, but we noticed a huge smile on his face and the fact that he kept reading off more and more dance moves for us to act out.  Ha!  

It was probably the most entertaining part of our night.  Closely followed by forcing all the boys we brought home from church (four) to sing along to the B-I-B-L-E song, This Little Light of Mine and our favorite, a Veggie Tale Classic, Cebu.

Just a regular Wednesday in the Hernandez house.