Easy as Riding a Bike

Matt bought me a bike for my birthday. Actually he put his Amazon Visa in a lovely birthday card and then told me it was for a bike. His plan was to take me down to the bike shop and pick out a bike. I want a $100 grandma cruiser from the PX. They have baskets on the back for your goods and the frame is so low that you barely have to lift up your foot to step across. It is perfect for wearing a skirt while biking to the market to pick up some veggies. Not that I do that, but I would look super cool if I were in a skirt and wanted to go get a fresh loaf of bread or something. Anyway, Matt thinks I need a snazzy hybrid. I don't think he is concerned about my comfort or how well the bike fits my needs, he will just be too embarrassed to hang out with me if I'm on a Huffy cruiser.

So, weeks went by and we finally went to Stadlers bike-mega-store in Mannheim. It is a rather cool shop with a million bikes and two indoor bike tracks to test out the wheels. The long track is just a path that goes around the whole store and then the short track has little obstacles on it to test out mountain and bmx bikes. It also has a subway sandwich shop, yum.
We looked for bikes for him first, naturally, and then headed over to the hybrid section for me. Cruiser have been ruled out, but I still think they are cool. I found a hybrid (cross between a road bike and mountain bike) that looked good and headed to the track to test it out. This is where things get hairy.

I told Matt the bike was too tall because I couldn't just swing my leg over and sit on the seat. He explained the I needed to put one foot on the pedal, push off a little, and then swing my leg over. I gave him the look ... seriously? And he lowered the seat.
With it properly adjusted I sat on the seat and started to pedal. Matt was hanging on to the back of my seat and walking briskly along side me saying "peddle, peddle faster!" Imagine the sight of a 30+ year old woman getting riding assistance from her husband, in a store. I was seriously unstable. The last time I was on a bike was in spin class a year ago and I would have to go back at least 15 years ago to picture myself on a real bike.

I managed to get through the aisles of bikes and get on the open road (the track). But there were so many obstacles: three years olds whizzing by me on their trike, random shoppers crossing my path to look at bike models and clothing, and those darn corners that kept popping up. People wrongfully assumed that I could actually ride a bike, and instead of leaping out of my way to save themselves, they just stood there, challenging me to hit them.
Matt said I looked like I was "on the verge of a major catastrophe". He envisioned me crashing into one of the aisles of bikes and taking out an entire line of $6000 road bikes. I rode like a 5 year old who just shed training wheels. Though I never actually crashed, I looked the fool! So, embarrassing.
Matt will eventually purchase a bike for me. I don't feel the need to test drive anymore. I clearly need an open field to practice my bike skills before I'm allowed to move about in confined spaces . . . or anywhere near people, roads, or small animals.
Easy as riding a bike? Yeah right.