Consequences
This word has a negative connotation in our house. I never catch the boys doing something really great and say "you made such a great choice. Praise and adoration is your consequence." Sure I reward them with praise or hugs and kisses or perhaps a treat but I never call it a "consequence". I save that word for the bad things. Bad things like the choices my boys made recently. Choices that are quite frankly dumb-dumb choices and require harsh consequences.
A few weeks ago Gabe was a little irresponsible and is paying the price for it. He loaded his wallet full of his hard earned money ($20 and change) and decided to bring it to Garmisch. Despite my repetitive warnings about not bringing it to places like the pool, the gas station bathroom, or to dinner, somewhere along the line he lost his wallet. $20 is a big deal for him. He doesn't get an allowance yet and this money was earned from watering plants for Mika and taking care of a neighbor's cat while they were gone. After contacting the hotel and thoroughly looking through all the bags we brought on the trip, I broke the news to him that he was out of luck. My poor baby lost his 20 bucks. I really wanted to just give it to him, but refrained.
Monday. Day 1 of pox quarantine. Gabe goes crazy and does this:
He cut a hole in my couch cover. These are my cheap IKEA couches that have covers that are purchased separately. The concept is great for changing the look of your living room by simply purchasing a new €100 cover. Today brown, next year black, gray, striped, red...so many choices. This concept is also good for messy people. The entire cover can be taken off and put in the washing machine like when my brother-in-law ate a chocolate covered schneeball on it or when Mika's cat peed on it while flying through the air to attack me. And when it gets really grimy or when people accidentally paint it because they were too lazy to cover it when painting their wall brown, you buy a new one. Which I just did a few weeks ago.
Tuesday night I discovered that my youngest and most devious spawn decided to cut a color swatch out of the back of it.
So, he needs a consequence. A negative one. We decided that he had to pay for a new one, but since he lost his money (see above) and he doesn't currently get an allowance it is going to be tricky. So, I'm keeping track of all the things that I would normally buy him (things that Eli does get) such as gelato from our neighborhood truck and other culinary treats when we are out and about or small toys from the store. He has to deal with the disappointment of not getting the item in order to accumulate $100 (I'm offering a one to one exchange which is ridiculously good) worth of things he can't get because he owes me. $100, is so many Gelatos. I'm tempted to fudge on the tally or just clear the debt especially since he just lost his $20 which would have been a great installment toward his debt....but I won't, I'll carry this one out.
The other one. The elder, wiser, and yet still immature in his ways, Eli, had his own moment of willful disobedience. Somewhere along the line he became interested in selling his stuff to make some cash. The problem is that a lot of his stuff is either currently shared with Gabe or will be passed on to Gabe in the future. If Eli didn't buy it with his own money to begin with then I'm not really keen on him selling it. Recently a friend came over and asked to buy Eli's set of Diary of a Whimpy Kid books. These books were so generously given to him by my sister. He loves these books. He has read them each at least two or three times and they tend to be the book of choice when we go on a vacation and his personal entertainment items are limited. However, even though he loves them he was really interested in the cash and asked me if he could sell them to his buddy. I said "no". Not only do I think it is a bad idea because he still really likes them but it is a bad idea because Gabe is starting to read and will eventually want to read them as well. The deal was off.
Until today, I came home from perusing the neighborhood garage sale to find that Eli has sold FOUR of his five Whimpy Kid books. I was furious. Not only was I upset that he sold them, I was so mad that he sold them each for $1. ONE DOLLAR! Hardback books that are in great condition and a current fad with 8 year old boys and he sold them for $1. He sold things that he still uses and had the horrible business sense to sell hours of entertainment for a mere $4.
The consequence: replace the books. I found a four book set from Amazon for $32. During a conversation about the book deal, he admitted to knowing that he was not supposed to sell the books and that he tried to hide the fact that he sold them. Silly boy didn't take into account that his BFF's mom is one of my BFFs. So, the most logical consequence I could come up with was for him to replace the books. He walked toward me slowly, cautiously, with tears in his big brown eyes and handed me $32 exactly. That leaves him with only $8 toward some $50 lego thing he was saving for. I didn't want to take his money, I really didn't, but I need to teach him that hawking the family goods is simply not acceptable especially when he has been specifically instructed not to.
My consequence of handing out these consequences to the boys: a little heart break. I don't want them to have these consequences. I would rather just carry the burden. It was €100, $20, and free books that can be replaced for $32. I want to just erase these bad choices, and chalk it up to kids being kids. But I also want them to learn how to do what they know is right when the consequence is rather minor so that they won't do something really crazy like burn the couch or sell dad's guitar.
A few weeks ago Gabe was a little irresponsible and is paying the price for it. He loaded his wallet full of his hard earned money ($20 and change) and decided to bring it to Garmisch. Despite my repetitive warnings about not bringing it to places like the pool, the gas station bathroom, or to dinner, somewhere along the line he lost his wallet. $20 is a big deal for him. He doesn't get an allowance yet and this money was earned from watering plants for Mika and taking care of a neighbor's cat while they were gone. After contacting the hotel and thoroughly looking through all the bags we brought on the trip, I broke the news to him that he was out of luck. My poor baby lost his 20 bucks. I really wanted to just give it to him, but refrained.
Monday. Day 1 of pox quarantine. Gabe goes crazy and does this:
He cut a hole in my couch cover. These are my cheap IKEA couches that have covers that are purchased separately. The concept is great for changing the look of your living room by simply purchasing a new €100 cover. Today brown, next year black, gray, striped, red...so many choices. This concept is also good for messy people. The entire cover can be taken off and put in the washing machine like when my brother-in-law ate a chocolate covered schneeball on it or when Mika's cat peed on it while flying through the air to attack me. And when it gets really grimy or when people accidentally paint it because they were too lazy to cover it when painting their wall brown, you buy a new one. Which I just did a few weeks ago.
Tuesday night I discovered that my youngest and most devious spawn decided to cut a color swatch out of the back of it.
So, he needs a consequence. A negative one. We decided that he had to pay for a new one, but since he lost his money (see above) and he doesn't currently get an allowance it is going to be tricky. So, I'm keeping track of all the things that I would normally buy him (things that Eli does get) such as gelato from our neighborhood truck and other culinary treats when we are out and about or small toys from the store. He has to deal with the disappointment of not getting the item in order to accumulate $100 (I'm offering a one to one exchange which is ridiculously good) worth of things he can't get because he owes me. $100, is so many Gelatos. I'm tempted to fudge on the tally or just clear the debt especially since he just lost his $20 which would have been a great installment toward his debt....but I won't, I'll carry this one out.
The other one. The elder, wiser, and yet still immature in his ways, Eli, had his own moment of willful disobedience. Somewhere along the line he became interested in selling his stuff to make some cash. The problem is that a lot of his stuff is either currently shared with Gabe or will be passed on to Gabe in the future. If Eli didn't buy it with his own money to begin with then I'm not really keen on him selling it. Recently a friend came over and asked to buy Eli's set of Diary of a Whimpy Kid books. These books were so generously given to him by my sister. He loves these books. He has read them each at least two or three times and they tend to be the book of choice when we go on a vacation and his personal entertainment items are limited. However, even though he loves them he was really interested in the cash and asked me if he could sell them to his buddy. I said "no". Not only do I think it is a bad idea because he still really likes them but it is a bad idea because Gabe is starting to read and will eventually want to read them as well. The deal was off.
Until today, I came home from perusing the neighborhood garage sale to find that Eli has sold FOUR of his five Whimpy Kid books. I was furious. Not only was I upset that he sold them, I was so mad that he sold them each for $1. ONE DOLLAR! Hardback books that are in great condition and a current fad with 8 year old boys and he sold them for $1. He sold things that he still uses and had the horrible business sense to sell hours of entertainment for a mere $4.
The consequence: replace the books. I found a four book set from Amazon for $32. During a conversation about the book deal, he admitted to knowing that he was not supposed to sell the books and that he tried to hide the fact that he sold them. Silly boy didn't take into account that his BFF's mom is one of my BFFs. So, the most logical consequence I could come up with was for him to replace the books. He walked toward me slowly, cautiously, with tears in his big brown eyes and handed me $32 exactly. That leaves him with only $8 toward some $50 lego thing he was saving for. I didn't want to take his money, I really didn't, but I need to teach him that hawking the family goods is simply not acceptable especially when he has been specifically instructed not to.
My consequence of handing out these consequences to the boys: a little heart break. I don't want them to have these consequences. I would rather just carry the burden. It was €100, $20, and free books that can be replaced for $32. I want to just erase these bad choices, and chalk it up to kids being kids. But I also want them to learn how to do what they know is right when the consequence is rather minor so that they won't do something really crazy like burn the couch or sell dad's guitar.
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