Jay Oh Bee
Spells job.
I don't think I have rambled here about my quest to find a job.
I'm not sure why I haven't written about this topic. It has really been the one thing that has caused me stress for the past 6 months. Sure, there have been passing stresses like my kids in the morning, school issues, obviously some paint issues, the fact that my van screams every morning when I start it up, and other little daily things, but this job situation has been a chronic stressor, very frequently on my mind and yet I have written nothing.
I suppose I haven't written about it because most of my stories have a start and finish, and this one really didn't and still doesn't. Or perhaps it is a pride thing, maybe I didn't want to put out there that I was looking for a job so that nobody would know if I didn't find one. Maybe it is because writing about job applications and interviews is boring. I think at least a small part of it is that I'm not sure I want a job so I like to practice avoidance.
Last fall I started to apply for some para-educator positions at a few local elementary schools. I "started" in the fall but because it was quite a painful process I didn't actually have a completed application until February! Filling out the application was fine. The challenge was including three professional references. I haven't worked in a decade. I'm unprofessional! I let the three references stress me out for a few weeks and then it finally donned on me that I could use my volunteer references. I contacted some people that I volunteered with back in Germany and used their names and information for references. However, before my application can be considered "complete" my reference people have to mail or email a reference form back to the district. I'll spare you details but it took a full MONTH to get this taken care of.
Fast forward to spring, I had three interviews at three different schools for basically the same position. LAP is a specific type of State funding given to schools for some reason which I honestly have no clue. Bottom line for me is that this position is an instructional aid who assists kids who are falling behind in math. I like that this position is instructional. I don't really want to monitor recess or help kindergarteners go pee. I also like that this position is only funded through the end of this year. This means, committing to this job now is not really locking me into anything for the future, although if I am amazing the chances are good that they would hire me if funding becomes available next year.
One interview was unpleasant, for me and the panel of interviewers. The second interview was great, I really liked these people a lot! The third interview was not as great as the second but definitely not as disastrous as the first! I honestly didn't want to go to that last interview and had given up on the job hunt weeks ago.
This week I got a call from the principal of the third school unofficially offering me a job. She can't officially offer it to me until she checks my references. Which brings me back to the stumbling block that started this whole process. Why did my people have to turn in that written assessment of me way back when if they all have to be contacted again? So confusing. Anyway, she called me Monday to ask for three local references. I'm glad she couldn't see my face because it probably would read "really, are you kidding me?" The delay is actually working in my favor though, I have a date with a friend visiting from Tennessee on Thursday and I really didn't want to cancel!
I've gone through a few different emotions since the interview. I'll spare you the details but after sitting myself down on the couch and assessing myself using all my psychoanalytical skills, I have decided that this job presents a change that I am not emotionally prepared for. Sure, there is a lot of change in my life but a few things remain constant: my identity as an Army wife and a stay at home mom. This job business threatens part of my identity. And that is what is really freaking me out.
I want to teach these small groups of kids. I want to do something awesomely productive while my kids are away at school. I want to become something new. I should be excited!
My fear of letting go of my identity as a stay at home mom is a little pathetic. Don't get me wrong I love that title and I think giving it up is sad. The pathetic part is holding on to an identity that is fleeting.
Who am I? I am a woman running a race in such a manner that I intend to receive the prize. My identity is not based on what occupation I have or don't have. My identity is not based on who I am married to, who my children are, where I live or how I like my coffee. My identity is me, not the temporal situations of this life. Well, I suppose God can decide to change my name and give me a new mission in life and then I'll have to revise this statement. But until then, I'm going to be what I really have always tried to be, a foggy reflection of Christ.
I don't think I have rambled here about my quest to find a job.
I'm not sure why I haven't written about this topic. It has really been the one thing that has caused me stress for the past 6 months. Sure, there have been passing stresses like my kids in the morning, school issues, obviously some paint issues, the fact that my van screams every morning when I start it up, and other little daily things, but this job situation has been a chronic stressor, very frequently on my mind and yet I have written nothing.
I suppose I haven't written about it because most of my stories have a start and finish, and this one really didn't and still doesn't. Or perhaps it is a pride thing, maybe I didn't want to put out there that I was looking for a job so that nobody would know if I didn't find one. Maybe it is because writing about job applications and interviews is boring. I think at least a small part of it is that I'm not sure I want a job so I like to practice avoidance.
Last fall I started to apply for some para-educator positions at a few local elementary schools. I "started" in the fall but because it was quite a painful process I didn't actually have a completed application until February! Filling out the application was fine. The challenge was including three professional references. I haven't worked in a decade. I'm unprofessional! I let the three references stress me out for a few weeks and then it finally donned on me that I could use my volunteer references. I contacted some people that I volunteered with back in Germany and used their names and information for references. However, before my application can be considered "complete" my reference people have to mail or email a reference form back to the district. I'll spare you details but it took a full MONTH to get this taken care of.
Fast forward to spring, I had three interviews at three different schools for basically the same position. LAP is a specific type of State funding given to schools for some reason which I honestly have no clue. Bottom line for me is that this position is an instructional aid who assists kids who are falling behind in math. I like that this position is instructional. I don't really want to monitor recess or help kindergarteners go pee. I also like that this position is only funded through the end of this year. This means, committing to this job now is not really locking me into anything for the future, although if I am amazing the chances are good that they would hire me if funding becomes available next year.
One interview was unpleasant, for me and the panel of interviewers. The second interview was great, I really liked these people a lot! The third interview was not as great as the second but definitely not as disastrous as the first! I honestly didn't want to go to that last interview and had given up on the job hunt weeks ago.
This week I got a call from the principal of the third school unofficially offering me a job. She can't officially offer it to me until she checks my references. Which brings me back to the stumbling block that started this whole process. Why did my people have to turn in that written assessment of me way back when if they all have to be contacted again? So confusing. Anyway, she called me Monday to ask for three local references. I'm glad she couldn't see my face because it probably would read "really, are you kidding me?" The delay is actually working in my favor though, I have a date with a friend visiting from Tennessee on Thursday and I really didn't want to cancel!
I've gone through a few different emotions since the interview. I'll spare you the details but after sitting myself down on the couch and assessing myself using all my psychoanalytical skills, I have decided that this job presents a change that I am not emotionally prepared for. Sure, there is a lot of change in my life but a few things remain constant: my identity as an Army wife and a stay at home mom. This job business threatens part of my identity. And that is what is really freaking me out.
I want to teach these small groups of kids. I want to do something awesomely productive while my kids are away at school. I want to become something new. I should be excited!
My fear of letting go of my identity as a stay at home mom is a little pathetic. Don't get me wrong I love that title and I think giving it up is sad. The pathetic part is holding on to an identity that is fleeting.
Who am I? I am a woman running a race in such a manner that I intend to receive the prize. My identity is not based on what occupation I have or don't have. My identity is not based on who I am married to, who my children are, where I live or how I like my coffee. My identity is me, not the temporal situations of this life. Well, I suppose God can decide to change my name and give me a new mission in life and then I'll have to revise this statement. But until then, I'm going to be what I really have always tried to be, a foggy reflection of Christ.
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