A Greater Love

I believe that you can choose to celebrate a person's accomplishment, victory, or milestone without agreeing with every life choice the person has made along the way.  

Years ago, I attended a memorial service for a man who was an abusive alcoholic. How do you stand before a group of people and celebrate a life that left a wake of pain and sorrow?  One of the speakers at the service started the ball rolling by being thankful for the love of music that the deceased had inspired in the rest of the family.  Another was grateful for the gift of her siblings.  There are things to be celebrated even in those who have done so much harm.

I think sometimes we mistakenly believe that if we celebrate something, a wedding, anniversary, baby's birth, promotion, birthday, new home, family reunion or graduation, we are somehow putting a stamp of approval on the person's life and actions.  That 50th wedding anniversary, whether you agree the relationship or not, is an accomplishment.  The baby's birth, even if under less than ideal circumstances, is a miracle.  The purchase of a new home, even if they bought at the peak of the market for too much money with too little down payment, is an exciting adventure worth celebrating. We don't have to agree with the path someone is on to celebrate a milestone along the way.  

We can celebrate someone's birthday and still be mad at them.  What we cannot do is go back in time and attend the events once relationships are restored.  We can attend a wedding and still have a family riff, we can be a part of life events and celebrations and still carry hurt, frustration and anger. I suspect that much of the time the person who is being celebrated knows where you stand, not sharing in an event isn't required to make that statement.

That birth, memorial, wedding, promotion, retirement, or whatever special event will happen once and our statement of not attending or honoring it in some way will linger forever. 

I have been on both sides of this.  I have had people not attend a special event of mine because of broken relationships and I have not attended meaningful events or milestones because I was too mad at someone to "give them the honor of my presence". 

Sometimes you shouldn't go. I do believe that every circumstance is different and needs to be evaluated as such, but I challenge myself and my 18 million readers (ha!) to really think about what not going, honoring, or celebrating accomplishes.  

We have all hurt others and made choices others don't agree with and we all need grace and unconditional love.  The statement of love to those we don't agree with will be more impactful than lack of support. It is an easy love to love those who you agree with or are not fighting with, it is a deeper, more powerful love when you can love those who differ or those who have hurt you.  Choose the greater love.