Blessed in the Waiting.

Waiting is so difficult for me.
It doesn't matter if I am waiting for something good or something bad, waiting for an event to take place or to receive news, the waiting is hard.
The waiting may be time spent trying to tame my excitement or hours or days of dread.
Waiting is helpless and can be frustrating.
There is nothing I can do to speed things up, all I can do is, well, wait.

I waited by my grandmother's bed for 5 days.
We watched.
We turned, changed, medicated....and waited.
We knew she would be dying soon, so we waited.

If we thought there was a chance of recovery, we would have been anxious, prayerful, and holding to glimmers of  hope, but we knew there wouldn't be healing.
We knew she would die.
All we could do is sit by her side, tend to her needs and wait.

While watching her linger in her earthly body was so very difficult, something unexpected happened in the waiting, I was blessed.

I consider it an honor to have helped usher her through the last days other life. It was painful, and ugly, but I was humbled to have the opportunity to serve her.
I sat for hours with my dad, mom, aunt and sister as we talked about everything under the sun and passed time. We laughed, we cried, we sang, prayed and sat quietly together watching and waiting. We formed a cohesive team. We made schedules for night watches to optimize opportunities for sleep, there were dinner makers, cleaner-uppers, coffee runners...every task shared working together in orchestrated harmony.  There is something remarkable, unspoken, and indescribable that occurred within us all over this week. I will treasure each moment for the rest of my life.

The days slipped into hours and the waiting was no more. I was sitting in the window beside her bed, and suddenly I realized I was witnessing her last breath.
And in the blink of an eye she was gone.

I speak with complete honesty when I claim that past weeks have been the most difficult challenge I have faced. And at the same time I argue that I have never felt so blessed.

I'm going home tomorrow.




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