The Last Night
** This post was written the night before Matt came home but then I got locked out of my account and couldn't post until today**
Tonight is our last night before Matt comes home. It is a night of celebration and mourning.
I mourn the loss of this season of our lives being "the boys and I". The summer of adventures we shared, the times that we rallied as a team to make things happen, that we lifted each other up when we needed it most and laughed, and cried, and rose above challenges. These are memories that I treasure so dearly.
I mourn the loss of the season of blessings. Oh how we were so blessed throughout this deployment. The genorosity of others leaves me speechless...even today as I received a "welcome home" gift from a friend. I cannot stop the tears from falling as I think of this gift and the many other acts of kindness, notes in the mail or via text or email, and the number of people who poured into the lives of myself and the boys.
It isn't the gift or act itself that I will miss, although there were some awesome gifts, I will miss witnessing first hand the sacrificial, amazing love of my friends and family who tried to fill me up with joy in a potentially dark time. There truly are not words to express the gratitude that fills my heart. Each person who bestowed love, and generosity upon us will forever be etched in my heart.
I mourn the loss of the freedom I had to just do what I want without regard to someone else's opinion or schedule. I''ll miss taking up the whole bed, Fantasy Football Free Sundays, not fearing for my life when I get up in the middle of the night to pee and just as I'm almost to the toilet realizing the toilet seat has been returned to its upright and locked position. I'll miss quiet hours and a clean house. I'll miss morning and night time texts from Matt, I'll miss reading notes from him that articulate his feelings for me in a way that comes across so differently and permanent and beautiful than when spoken.
We toasted with cupcakes.
We raised our cupcake and I thanked the boys for a fabulous 6+ months, thanked God for his protection, and we said farewell to this chapter of our lives.....and we celebrated!
We celebrate having this person we all love so dearly back in our lives. We celebrate that he is no longer living in a container, plopped in the middle of a war zone. We celebrate that we have access to talk to him, hold him, love him any time we want. The boys are excited to watch movies and play games with their favorite partner. They look forward to cuddling and laughing and to showing off their new abilities and skills.
I celebrate that I no longer have to make the tough decisions on my own, that I have a partner to tag when I no longer want to be "it". I celebrate the feeling of looking into the eyes of the other person who makes me feel complete. I celebrate that he will know my mood without me speaking a word, and that he will be here when things get dicey.
I look forward to dates and laughter...we have so much fun together.
I celebrate an end to a journey that went well. I celebrate that we walk away feeling that we did this well. And knowing that we could do this again....if we absolutely had too, but pray that God keeps us together for a long time.
Memorial stones were left on an altar when the Israelites crossed over the Jordan and into the promiced land. Stones to remind those that came after of all that God had brought them through. These stones are a reminder to celebrate the success, mourn the loss, and bless the Lord for his providence.
I need to get some stones.
Tonight is our last night before Matt comes home. It is a night of celebration and mourning.
I mourn the loss of this season of our lives being "the boys and I". The summer of adventures we shared, the times that we rallied as a team to make things happen, that we lifted each other up when we needed it most and laughed, and cried, and rose above challenges. These are memories that I treasure so dearly.
I mourn the loss of the season of blessings. Oh how we were so blessed throughout this deployment. The genorosity of others leaves me speechless...even today as I received a "welcome home" gift from a friend. I cannot stop the tears from falling as I think of this gift and the many other acts of kindness, notes in the mail or via text or email, and the number of people who poured into the lives of myself and the boys.
It isn't the gift or act itself that I will miss, although there were some awesome gifts, I will miss witnessing first hand the sacrificial, amazing love of my friends and family who tried to fill me up with joy in a potentially dark time. There truly are not words to express the gratitude that fills my heart. Each person who bestowed love, and generosity upon us will forever be etched in my heart.
I mourn the loss of the freedom I had to just do what I want without regard to someone else's opinion or schedule. I''ll miss taking up the whole bed, Fantasy Football Free Sundays, not fearing for my life when I get up in the middle of the night to pee and just as I'm almost to the toilet realizing the toilet seat has been returned to its upright and locked position. I'll miss quiet hours and a clean house. I'll miss morning and night time texts from Matt, I'll miss reading notes from him that articulate his feelings for me in a way that comes across so differently and permanent and beautiful than when spoken.
We toasted with cupcakes.
We raised our cupcake and I thanked the boys for a fabulous 6+ months, thanked God for his protection, and we said farewell to this chapter of our lives.....and we celebrated!
We celebrate having this person we all love so dearly back in our lives. We celebrate that he is no longer living in a container, plopped in the middle of a war zone. We celebrate that we have access to talk to him, hold him, love him any time we want. The boys are excited to watch movies and play games with their favorite partner. They look forward to cuddling and laughing and to showing off their new abilities and skills.
I celebrate that I no longer have to make the tough decisions on my own, that I have a partner to tag when I no longer want to be "it". I celebrate the feeling of looking into the eyes of the other person who makes me feel complete. I celebrate that he will know my mood without me speaking a word, and that he will be here when things get dicey.
I look forward to dates and laughter...we have so much fun together.
I celebrate an end to a journey that went well. I celebrate that we walk away feeling that we did this well. And knowing that we could do this again....if we absolutely had too, but pray that God keeps us together for a long time.
Memorial stones were left on an altar when the Israelites crossed over the Jordan and into the promiced land. Stones to remind those that came after of all that God had brought them through. These stones are a reminder to celebrate the success, mourn the loss, and bless the Lord for his providence.
I need to get some stones.
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