More = Tears

When we lived in Germany we had AFN (Armed Forces Network) television service.  I think there were nine channels and in lieu of commercials there were public service announcements.   Most of them were depressing: don't kill yourself, don't beat your wife, don't drink and drive, don't say "bomb" at the installation gates, and don't leave your pets on the curb when you move back to the US.  There were also come interesting ones that detailed how to marry a local national, schedule your appointment to make a will, and one that actually saved us, rules for transferring your GI Bill to a Post 9/11 college plan. Since AFN didn't have any recording capabilities like DVR, and rarely had any shows on that I wanted to watch when I was free to watch them, I didn't watch TV much.

When we moved back to the States I was very excited to have more than 9 channels and recording capabilities.  So naturally we bought another TV, subscribed to all 86,000 channels, and digital recording in two rooms.  We were in a digital entertainment disneyland.  But when I think back, I realize I rarely ever watched TV.  I wonder why?

After five months of being without our dish subscription, we just restarted it this past week. We now have 560,000 channels, two Genies, and a remote that you don't even have to point at the box to use.  Woohoo!  I'm excited.

Today I sat down on the couch and attempted to turn on the 49er game.  

I was scrolling through all 560,000 channels trying to find it.

I tried googling "what channel is the 49er game on?"

I remembered I am a Sunday Ticket subscriber so I get all the games...somewhere.

I got out the instruction guide to find what channels the Sunday Ticket is on....59 pages of reading later I find the channel range.

I scroll through all the Ticket games and can't find the one I want, but I know it is on.

Finally I realize it is blacked out on the Ticket but showing on local channels.

Where are my local channels?????

Back to the 59 page "quick guide"...

The game is now half over and I spent the entire first half scrolling through my half a million channels.

I started crying.

No kidding, tears welled up in my eyes.

I just want to watch the football game and I cannot find it in the midst of all these other channels.

Then I remembered why I didn't watch TV last time we had the super dish... I cannot properly use the remote. It isn't because I am doing far more important things that I don't have time to waste by watching TV, it is because I simply am overwhelmed by the TV remote.

Is there a "Firefly" remote for small-minded people who cannot figure out the Genie?

Where is the "page down" button so that I can scroll through 10 channels at a time instead of one by one?

Where is the GAME?

Is there a voice option "find 49er game"?

MAAAAAAAAAAAAATT can you turn on the game for me?

Finally, I got it.

Nobody touch the TV.  

It might send me into a complete nervous breakdown if I have to find this channel again...ever.