These days the thoughts swirling around in my head go from
fearing the worse about my kids to believing the best, mourning the trials to
celebrating small victories, and feeling crushed in the moment to dreaming
about the future. I was talking to my
sister the other day and broke down in tears over the current thought that was
overwhelming me – I want a dog.
It is shocking, I know.
A few weeks ago I was at work and passed by a student who
was standing in the hall with her Australian Shepherd puppy. And I melted.
Actual, physical melted to the ground.
Once on the ground I sat there and the little fluffy guy crawled up on
my lap and was being all puppy on me. The
stress that I was carrying and the anxiousness that was filling me up simply
left me.
Since that moment, every time I think about a dog little
tears fill my eyes and I desperately want to get one. As I sit and think about the dog I imagine
her welcoming me home, cuddling with me when I am stressed, going for walks
with me so that people can quit giving me a hard time about hiking alone and I’m
sold!! I imagine all my stress falling away and having some sweet bond with
this little fluffy bundle of awesome.
Then…I picture that dog chewing up my Frye boots, peeing on
my bed, costing me a fortune when she eats battery and can’t poop it out and
keeping me home from travel opportunities because I can’t find a dog sitter.
Clearly, I’m conflicted.
Luckily, we aren’t allowed to have a dog in the rental so I haven’t
impulsively acted upon that crazy desire to get a dog. However, that is about
to change. Our landlord is selling the
house so we will be moving at some point this Spring. When we buy our own house…I’ll be the
landlord and I can decide whether or not dogs are allowed – hopefully I’ll be
able to think rationally when the time comes.
We had a gospel choir at our church this past Sunday and I also
decided I wanted to start going to a gospel church. My mental stability is dodgy.
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