In just a few weeks I will make a trip that I'm frightened about making.
I'll hop in the car with the boys, drive 9 hours to In-n-Out in Redding, then continue a few more hours to my mom's house.
I've made this trip quite a few times in the past three years.
The drive is fine, I pop in an audio book and I'm golden.
The kids are fine, they are used to the long rides.
The frightening part of this particular trip is the purpose.

I'm heading down to see my grandma before all hints of her are gone.

In the past month or so she made a quick journey from living on her own in her home to requiring 24 hour care.
Physically, she is doing fine for being in her mid eighties.
Mentally, she has lost many of her capacities.

Last spring I decided rather last minute that I would go down for a visit.  We were saving up for our trip and it wasn't necessarily the best idea, but I felt I needed to go. Grandma was at my mom's house for Easter Sunday, we had dinner, the kids hunted for eggs, we chatted about whatever.  It was a normal day.   Later in the week I went over to her house for her famous chicken and homemade noodle soup.  It could be 105 degrees outside, and it would still be a perfect day for grandma's noodles.  She seemed fine.  She scooted along with a little less pep in her step, but she sure had enough gumption to give me a once-over for wasting water while I did the dishes!  She was talking about outfits for her upcoming trip and chattering on about daily business.  Sure she gets some facts mixed up and definitely teeters on the edge of conspiracy theorist, but who really cares?  She lived through the depression, the Cold War, Korean War, Vietnam War, the current wars, the invention of cell phones and the world wide web who can blame her?
We had a normal visit.  Just like many that I have had with her in the past. Nothing hinted that it would be the last time I really spent time with her.

I'm so glad I made that trip.

By the time we got back from our trip to Florida, my parents were breaking the news to me that she was going to have to move in with them.  

With every conversation with my family in California her capabilities and memory recall have declined.

My sister made sure that the boys had a few opportunities to spend time with her while they were down on a visit.  It sounded like she was still doing well enough then for the boys not to be uncomfortable around her.

So, I'm going home to see my grandma, praying that the woman that I love hasn't completely faded away.
Praying that I will see her one more time before going into a home.
Praying that she is at peace, even in what must be very dark confusing times.


Comments

Allison said…
Praying for you all.

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