It keeps no record of wrongs.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."
Almost a year ago I started looking for a counselor that accepted my insurance. Since we live in a major metropolitan area with a fairly large military presence, I didn't think it would be that difficult of a task. I was wrong. I don't know why, but apparently nobody wants to accept my insurance.
Initially, I was looking for a counselor for one of my kids. I was hoping to find one, go to a session or two and then determine if the person would be a good fit for my child. I finally found someone, made an appointment and prepared for the meeting. I have never been to a counselor before and was completely unsure of what to expect. I didn't know what I wanted from the meeting but I knew that I was struggling as a mom and needed some type of professional help for my kid, or maybe for myself.
Prior to the meeting I made a short list on the note app on my phone of the sequence of events that led me to the counseling session. I broke down the prior six months listing each month and the thing that had happened in that month that was concerning. Of course at the session I didn't need the notes, the events of the months leading up to the session were burned into my mind and heart. It didn't really matter what happened at what time, I could articulate the situation in our home clear enough for the counselor to get an idea of what was going on.
In the end, the counselor stopped taking my insurance, she never saw my son and I haven't found another one. While that whole situation is frustrating, I can say that I did have a few good sessions with the counselor and she gave me some tools for my parenting tool belt that I tried and feel were effective.
A few days ago I was going through my phone deleting photos that I didn't want and cleaning up my notes app. I came across THE LIST.
I read through it and suddenly I found myself rethinking the past few months, trying to fill in the gaps of things that had happened since I first made the list. I added a few months and a few more events and sat and pondered if I left anything out. I was just sure that something had happened that I forgot and needed to add.
"Love keeps no record of wrongs."
Why did I have this list still? Why was I feeling the need to add to it and make necessary corrections?
Over the past year I have found myself replaying in my head some very difficult events in our lives. I have this list in my phone, but I also have it in my heart. I have a very detailed record of wrongs. As I sat there looking at this list I heard this voice in my head whisper "why?" Why am I holding on to this record of wrongs? We have dealt with the issues, why keep this record. I told myself to delete the list, but I couldn't. There was something in me that just felt like I needed this "evidence" for some reason.
Days went by and I couldn't shake the feeling. Let it go. There is no value in keeping this record of wrongs. It doesn't do anyone any good. Finally, after a few days of grappling with it, I deleted the list. I don't feel any more free or forgiving than I did before I deleted it, but it served as a physical reminder to me that we are not called to keep a ledger of our children, spouse's or family's failures, we are called to love and forgive. In order to really love we must not hold this record of wrongs. In order to really love we have to let go of the ways our people have let us down and look for the ways that they bring us joy.
So I challenge myself and you to delete the list.
Let it go.
Be free to love unconditionally without the dark shadow of things of the past.
Almost a year ago I started looking for a counselor that accepted my insurance. Since we live in a major metropolitan area with a fairly large military presence, I didn't think it would be that difficult of a task. I was wrong. I don't know why, but apparently nobody wants to accept my insurance.
Initially, I was looking for a counselor for one of my kids. I was hoping to find one, go to a session or two and then determine if the person would be a good fit for my child. I finally found someone, made an appointment and prepared for the meeting. I have never been to a counselor before and was completely unsure of what to expect. I didn't know what I wanted from the meeting but I knew that I was struggling as a mom and needed some type of professional help for my kid, or maybe for myself.
Prior to the meeting I made a short list on the note app on my phone of the sequence of events that led me to the counseling session. I broke down the prior six months listing each month and the thing that had happened in that month that was concerning. Of course at the session I didn't need the notes, the events of the months leading up to the session were burned into my mind and heart. It didn't really matter what happened at what time, I could articulate the situation in our home clear enough for the counselor to get an idea of what was going on.
In the end, the counselor stopped taking my insurance, she never saw my son and I haven't found another one. While that whole situation is frustrating, I can say that I did have a few good sessions with the counselor and she gave me some tools for my parenting tool belt that I tried and feel were effective.
A few days ago I was going through my phone deleting photos that I didn't want and cleaning up my notes app. I came across THE LIST.
I read through it and suddenly I found myself rethinking the past few months, trying to fill in the gaps of things that had happened since I first made the list. I added a few months and a few more events and sat and pondered if I left anything out. I was just sure that something had happened that I forgot and needed to add.
"Love keeps no record of wrongs."
Why did I have this list still? Why was I feeling the need to add to it and make necessary corrections?
Over the past year I have found myself replaying in my head some very difficult events in our lives. I have this list in my phone, but I also have it in my heart. I have a very detailed record of wrongs. As I sat there looking at this list I heard this voice in my head whisper "why?" Why am I holding on to this record of wrongs? We have dealt with the issues, why keep this record. I told myself to delete the list, but I couldn't. There was something in me that just felt like I needed this "evidence" for some reason.
Days went by and I couldn't shake the feeling. Let it go. There is no value in keeping this record of wrongs. It doesn't do anyone any good. Finally, after a few days of grappling with it, I deleted the list. I don't feel any more free or forgiving than I did before I deleted it, but it served as a physical reminder to me that we are not called to keep a ledger of our children, spouse's or family's failures, we are called to love and forgive. In order to really love we must not hold this record of wrongs. In order to really love we have to let go of the ways our people have let us down and look for the ways that they bring us joy.
So I challenge myself and you to delete the list.
Let it go.
Be free to love unconditionally without the dark shadow of things of the past.
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