This past weekend I went up north a bit to spend some time with my grandma and grandpa. Gramps was sent to a hospice house on Friday. His home hospice nurses had some idea that he was going to die soon and he was no longer able to be cared for at home so they opted for hospice care. Someone came, loaded him up, and delivered him to a beautiful place where he could spend his last days on earth.
I went up to hang out with Grams because I knew it would be completely bizarre for her to be alone for the first time in...maybe over a decade or longer...and of coarse it would be painful for her role as caretaker to be gone, in an instant.
Grams is 92. Holy cow we have some strong jeans in this family. She cares for herself and, up until this past Friday, has been the primary care provider for her husband. She has some help, thankfully family lives nearby, but she is there for the day in and day out, nitty gritty care-taking of her husband.
When I first saw her Saturday morning her eyes were puffy and red. Who knows how many tears have fallen since Gramps left home. She is confused about what her role is now, where she wants to be, what she wants to do, and I think how she is supposed to feel. It is truly heart breaking to see her at moments, and then other moments inspiring.
My cousin and I snatched her up and headed down to the home. Now, a hospice house is probably supposed to be solemn and quiet, but hospice houses are probably not used to my family showing up. We brought a little crazy with us and I'm quite proud of that.
My boys and their cousin were playing card games in the waiting area while sitting at a table and chairs intended for two year olds and sipping on hot cocoa. My cousin and I were sitting with my Gramps and Gram in his room....laughing our heads off. My grandparents are two of the most sarcastic people I know and don't let a little thing called a hospice house get in the way of that.
Gram seemed to want to test Gramps, to see if he still had his whits about him, so she asked him "who am I?" He responded "Mrs. Clause". Then he said "ask me a stupid question and I'll give you a stupid answer". Yep. He's still got his whits.
Although there were very difficult moments, there were so many that were simply comical. My grams can't hear what my gramps is saying, so she is answering questions he is asking with the most ridiculous answers. My cousin and I are scared to death of seeing parts of Gramps we would rather not, so we are hiding every time he gets a little rowdy and starts kicking off his sheets. The man thinks he needs to poo. This is sad, but I'm telling you, when an 80 something year old man emphatically claims "I need to sh&t". Its funny. My favorite moment was when Grams started telling Gramps the names of all the people they know who had recently died. I'm pretty sure she was trying to peer pressure him into dying. Out in the hall my cousin and I made a deal that we wouldn't force the other to poo in our beds, we'll just push that morphine button as many times as required to keep the other knocked out and crapping our beds unconsciously.
My gramps didn't remember me most of the time I was there. In fact, he told me that he saw me so little that he must treat me like a stranger. Uh thanks? It is true, since we lived out of state I wasn't around that much as a kid, and we haven't been back much for a visit as adults. He kept saying he didn't know me. It stung a little, but I just told him it didn't matter if he knows me or not, all he needs to know is I love him.
As I sat at the end of the bed I watched as Gramps took labored breaths and I was actually praying that I would witness the last one. Nobody wants to die like that. A prisoner in a body that won't move. Spending your days and nights in a strange place...hoping that your time on earth would just come to an end.
This weekend was set up for sadness but it proved to be pretty darn entertaining. My Grams got all wrapped up in her seatbelt and bust out with an "oh blimey" which made me laugh hysterically. I was all warm and fuzzy from sampling every variety of apple liquor known to man at a local distillery....and ended up hopping on board an adult sized rocking horse and riding off into the sunset (or just rocking back and forth and realizing how fun rocking horses are) and I spent these tough days with one of the people I love most in this world...my cousin Rhonda. Nothing brightens a dark day like sipping coffee and chatting with someone you love...even in a hospice house.
So Gramps didn't die. He had a free 5 day stay at the hospice house but it looks like he may outstay his welcome. He is heading to a rest home in the coming days. I'll visit as much as I can, and pray that his days on earth are over soon.
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