Welcome Home

Recently, Eli received mail from Central Washington University. The envelope was adorned with a bunch of different graphics representing the University and then two simple words....."Welcome Home". The words caused a catch in my throat. Almost like an allergic reaction.
Home.
It was the long awaited housing packet and orientation information for the college Eli has selected to attend in the fall. He read about all the housing options and programs available then signed up for summer orientation and announced his move-in date.
Moving in to his new home.
We've had plenty of move-in days for new homes, but this move-in day isn't ours, it is his alone. Even as I type this my heart is pumping and I have visions of myself walking aimlessly around his empty room here missing him, looking for him, feeling a void.
I am excited to see him grow and start to follow his dreams outside of our grasp, but I am going to miss him being a part of our home on a daily basis.
Home is a word that feels so heavy for me. Home has been so many places and encompassed many different feelings over the years. Going to California always feels like going home and yet upon our return to Washington, I'm glad to be home. Home has been a source of peace and loneliness. Home has been a shelter from a complicated world and a place that brings heartache and strife. It is love, fighting, laughter, tears, is has been filled with friends and family at times and overwhelmingly quiet at others. Home is a lot of things but the one constant thing about our home is that it has housed the two boys and I. For 15 years everything in and out has changed but the three of us have been home, together. Until September when the older one leaves.

The thoughts of him leaving have been at the back of my mind for awhile, but this letter, and the next steps serve as a reminder that home is about to change again, even though I'm not moving anywhere.  

I started watching the series Call the Midwife a few months ago and have found it reasonably enjoyable.  When I am too tired to read but want something light to distract me, this show does the trick.  Just a few days after Eli got the letter that basically sent him packing, Season 2, Episode 7 of the show ended with these wise words from the main character 

"Home is not simply a mark upon a map, any more than a river is just water. It is the place at the centre of the compass from which every arrow radiates, and where the heart is fixed, it is a force that forever draws us back or lures us on".

If you read in with the voice of an old English woman it is pretty powerful.

My hope is that our boys will see us, and our home, as the point from which ever arrow radiates and the force that both draws them back and lures them on.