It's been a long long time
I'd have to look at my blog log, but I'm pretty sure this has to be one of the longest blog absences in the history of this blog. So here goes...
A few weeks ago a 5th grade student asked me a very deep question:
"Mrs. H...did you want your hair to look like that?"
"Um yes...I think"
Yep. That stung a little.
And then a few days later a little kindergartener (whom I can't stand) looked me square in the eyes and said
"your hair looks rough"
I responded "your pants are unzipped"
She walked away embarrassed about her pants situation and I felt a little better.
I have since been to the salon. We'll see if it worked.
So my grandfather died in November. I was okay with him dying: he was old, infirm, in pain, and had been waiting to die for as long as I can remember. But I struggled then and I struggle now with the way that he died. I've talked out his manner of death with a trusted medical professional, family, and friends, and although I have had the opportunity to hear many different perspectives and gain some great insight, I still struggle. Would I change anything about his last weeks on earth? I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing I probably would not.
The reality is, getting old and becoming less and less able to take care of your own basic needs is unpleasant, untidy, and there is really no great plan for that deterioration. I know that regardless of the way he spent his last days on earth, he is quite content now. Happy to be out of his earthly prison of a body and spending his eternity in freedom.
So there's that. And I suppose that now is the time to let it go.
Matt and I are semi-committed to a small group at church. It is a loosely joined group for the purpose of a 6-week all church study. The people are ok, there are only two other couples and the rest of the people are divorced women, but the study is most definitely my least favorite, most hated and despised study I have ever done.
It is very self-discovery, self-helpish and I really wish the church had chosen any other study to do. But here we are discovering about ourselves and ticking off the days until it is over. I'm definitely learning more from the wisdom of the people in our group than the attempted wisdom in the book.
What I've learned so far in a nutshell: I tend to hold people to the standard of the way I would do something assuming that it is the right way, my blaring negative personality trait in Gabriel's eyes is occasionally telling him "pray with yourself tonight" and it turns out I'm not so great at forgiving. It is only week 4. I'm sure there is more to come.
A few weeks ago a 5th grade student asked me a very deep question:
"Mrs. H...did you want your hair to look like that?"
"Um yes...I think"
Yep. That stung a little.
And then a few days later a little kindergartener (whom I can't stand) looked me square in the eyes and said
"your hair looks rough"
I responded "your pants are unzipped"
She walked away embarrassed about her pants situation and I felt a little better.
I have since been to the salon. We'll see if it worked.
So my grandfather died in November. I was okay with him dying: he was old, infirm, in pain, and had been waiting to die for as long as I can remember. But I struggled then and I struggle now with the way that he died. I've talked out his manner of death with a trusted medical professional, family, and friends, and although I have had the opportunity to hear many different perspectives and gain some great insight, I still struggle. Would I change anything about his last weeks on earth? I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing I probably would not.
The reality is, getting old and becoming less and less able to take care of your own basic needs is unpleasant, untidy, and there is really no great plan for that deterioration. I know that regardless of the way he spent his last days on earth, he is quite content now. Happy to be out of his earthly prison of a body and spending his eternity in freedom.
So there's that. And I suppose that now is the time to let it go.
Matt and I are semi-committed to a small group at church. It is a loosely joined group for the purpose of a 6-week all church study. The people are ok, there are only two other couples and the rest of the people are divorced women, but the study is most definitely my least favorite, most hated and despised study I have ever done.
It is very self-discovery, self-helpish and I really wish the church had chosen any other study to do. But here we are discovering about ourselves and ticking off the days until it is over. I'm definitely learning more from the wisdom of the people in our group than the attempted wisdom in the book.
What I've learned so far in a nutshell: I tend to hold people to the standard of the way I would do something assuming that it is the right way, my blaring negative personality trait in Gabriel's eyes is occasionally telling him "pray with yourself tonight" and it turns out I'm not so great at forgiving. It is only week 4. I'm sure there is more to come.
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