It is amazing to me how different our boys are. From the moment Gabe was born there were stark differences in their looks and temperament. Eli was born with a big ol bald head, he loved being swaddled tight and left alone to sleep, he was friendly and generally very cheerful. He was an early riser and was easy to put to bed at night. He hated naps from the beginning and loved being with people, punishments that involved time alone were torturous for him. Eli loves to be active outside and is so tough. The kid would ride, swim, throw, kick and jump for hours often resulting in skinned knees and cuts but I wouldn't find out about them until I did laundry and noticed bloodied socks and pants. He also has the most beautiful soul when it comes to his interactions with vulnerable people. He has a softness for old people, people with disabilities, young kids, and even me or Gabe when he senses that we need more than the world is offering at a particular moment.
Gabe had a full head of hair and an angry old man furrowed brow. Gabe hated new people, wanted to be held all the time and loved to sleep. We joked that he might be narcoleptic because he had the most amazing ability to fall asleep anywhere. When we flew to Germany he fell asleep before the flight even took off and I had to wake him up upon landing. He used to cry when I told him to take a 1 hour nap. He would whine "but I want a TWO hour nap". Gabe loved being sent to his room. At some points I wondered if he was being naughty just so I would send him off on his own to create and dream and explore all the magical things in his head. Gabe is a dreamer, a talker, a writer and creator. He loves his mom. Both boys do, but Gabe is the only one who admits it.
Both boys required teacher conferences. Eli for talking too much and being too bossy in class. Gabe for being mean. They hate different foods: Gabe won't eat hot dogs, twinkies, butter, or ketchup. Eli won't eat enchiladas, jelly, artichokes or mustard. When Eli was sassy I could give him vinegar as a punishment but not hot sauce - because he called it salsa and asked for more. Gabe liked the vinegar so he had hot sauce. Gabe is accepting of any punishment and does a fair share of adding his own guild and shame onto a situation. Eli will battle and try to justify his actions and weasel out of consequences.
One thing that was clear very early on was that we couldn't parent the boys the same. Nothing was more surprising to me as a parent than this simple fact. I don't recall the parenting books telling me that the master plan I worked out with one of my kids would have zero effectiveness with the other. It also didn't tell me that what worked for a year or two could suddenly become null and void, sending me into a spin trying to figure out what to try next.
The boys are both teenagers and this job of learning how to parent each of them differently is just as tough as it was in the beginning, or harder given that the consequences of their actions carry heavier weight. Everything from how often I check on their grades and attendance to how trustworthy they are when hanging around with friends is different. There are some areas that I can be "hands off" with Gabe and have to be an ever annoying presence for Eli and other areas where it is the reverse.
As I wrap up a challenging week, one thing I know for certain is my job isn't done yet. I often thought that going I would work full time once the kids were both in school because they wouldn't need my continual presence. I was so wrong.
My job is not done and neither are my boys. They are still growing into the men that they will one day be, and in the meantime I have shaping, modeling and a lot of praying to do.
Gabe had a full head of hair and an angry old man furrowed brow. Gabe hated new people, wanted to be held all the time and loved to sleep. We joked that he might be narcoleptic because he had the most amazing ability to fall asleep anywhere. When we flew to Germany he fell asleep before the flight even took off and I had to wake him up upon landing. He used to cry when I told him to take a 1 hour nap. He would whine "but I want a TWO hour nap". Gabe loved being sent to his room. At some points I wondered if he was being naughty just so I would send him off on his own to create and dream and explore all the magical things in his head. Gabe is a dreamer, a talker, a writer and creator. He loves his mom. Both boys do, but Gabe is the only one who admits it.
Both boys required teacher conferences. Eli for talking too much and being too bossy in class. Gabe for being mean. They hate different foods: Gabe won't eat hot dogs, twinkies, butter, or ketchup. Eli won't eat enchiladas, jelly, artichokes or mustard. When Eli was sassy I could give him vinegar as a punishment but not hot sauce - because he called it salsa and asked for more. Gabe liked the vinegar so he had hot sauce. Gabe is accepting of any punishment and does a fair share of adding his own guild and shame onto a situation. Eli will battle and try to justify his actions and weasel out of consequences.
One thing that was clear very early on was that we couldn't parent the boys the same. Nothing was more surprising to me as a parent than this simple fact. I don't recall the parenting books telling me that the master plan I worked out with one of my kids would have zero effectiveness with the other. It also didn't tell me that what worked for a year or two could suddenly become null and void, sending me into a spin trying to figure out what to try next.
The boys are both teenagers and this job of learning how to parent each of them differently is just as tough as it was in the beginning, or harder given that the consequences of their actions carry heavier weight. Everything from how often I check on their grades and attendance to how trustworthy they are when hanging around with friends is different. There are some areas that I can be "hands off" with Gabe and have to be an ever annoying presence for Eli and other areas where it is the reverse.
As I wrap up a challenging week, one thing I know for certain is my job isn't done yet. I often thought that going I would work full time once the kids were both in school because they wouldn't need my continual presence. I was so wrong.
My job is not done and neither are my boys. They are still growing into the men that they will one day be, and in the meantime I have shaping, modeling and a lot of praying to do.
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