Expectations

This pandemic has brought with it so many unknowns, confusing and often conflicting information, unrest, and countless frustrating scenarios.  Even though we are still in the thick of it, I feel confident that one of the greatest lessons that I will take from this season is how to press on when expectations are unmet.

In March, I expected the lock-down to be temporary, I expected that the closures and the frightening data being released would actually work to flatten the curve, summer would return to normal and I expected school to begin in the fall.

When all of those expectations were not met, I shifted my expectations, the virus will weaken, vaccines will get us moving again and by summer we will return to normal.  Now I sit in a sea of doubt that we will return to school at all this year.

Even as millions of vaccines are being administered we are told that we still need to be careful, mask up, socially distance and keep living in these holes we have dug for ourselves.  I realized my expectation was that this vaccine would eradicate the virus, not just limit the number of deaths it causes. 

My expectation was that this event would cause temporary challenges, a mere blip in the grand scheme of things, but I am finally settling in to realize that this isn't a moment, this is a monumental season in which relationships, finances, policy and civil discord are tested, impacted, or completely changed.

It is often unmet expectations that send me into a spiral.  When I look back on the impact of the pandemic so far and think about my darkest most frustrating times, those times stem from expectations not being met: trips I didn't get to take, celebrations that fell flat or were cancelled, opportunities that disappeared.  

It really is no different than my non-pandemic related frustrations but there just seemed to be so many more this year.

So how do we move on when the expectations are not met?  What helps me most is to find something in it to be grateful for.

I had to cancel a trip that I was really looking forward to, but I was able to be grateful that I got my money back for the cancelled flight and that I found out early enough about the cancellation in order to make other plans.  I was still disappointed but not crushed.

I didn't get to celebrate my oldest son's graduation the way I had hoped.  But instead of clinging to what should have been, I was able to appreciate the sweetness of the small crowd.  The change in plans provided an opportunity to celebrate in a more intimate way without the stress that comes with trying to make everyone in a giant party happy.

Time an again this past year has brought so many disappointing moments when my expectations were not met. I am not trying to pretend those times didn't exist, but what I can say is that in each frustrating disappointment there was some bright side -I might have to dig deep to find it, but it is there.

When things get back to "normal" and I start getting my way more often then not, I want to remember the lessons of not allowing disappointment to keep me down.